Finding your voice

At the heart of the block on most people's creative expression is the fear of triggering the wound of not belonging.⁣

Going through the extremely tender process of learning to belong; to our bodies, to our roots, to the Earth, and to our place in the cosmos, is what is asked of us, if we are to access and embody our unique expression in the world.⁣

And it is hard.⁣

True guidance, elders, mid-wives of the soul are few and far between. ⁣

WHERE DO WE START?⁣

Just noticing that the fear of embodying our soul expression, our deepest truth, the art piece that is wanting to come to life through us, might not be about our lack of training, experience, readiness or preparation; but might have everything to do with our fear of experiencing the pain of not belonging, already starts weakening the impact of the spell that we are under. ⁣

The spell that tells us that our voice will get us exiled from the tribe. ⁣

Will lead to us being alone. ⁣

Will see us humiliated.⁣

We won't be taken seriously. ⁣

⁣Maybe we won't even get noticed at all, and therefore, we won't be given our rightful place in our tribe.⁣

When we are under the spell, it is more tempting to blame our decision not to emerge on our busy schedules, our reputation, our “not-enoughness”, our fear of being perceived as trying too hard or being inauthentic. Forever waiting for that moment of soul shine to arise organically… almost magically… surely…one day…⁣

I don’t see that organic emergence happening very often, though, because there isn’t a soul culture in the world to support it. Yet.⁣

So, back to noticing…⁣

Even to simply notice that belonging is at stake here can feel like a monumental task at first. ⁣

We are not taught how to notice the subtleties of our experience in an embodied way. We are trained to use our minds, to analyze, and to solve. We are told to toughen up, pull it together, perform. We are taught to be realistic, pragmatic, rational. We don't know how we feel. We act as though we can think our way through feelings. We are not taught how to listen to the sensations in our bodies. To the clenching in our stomach, to the constriction in our chest, to the unease in our belly. It is a skill we need to cultivate if we want to connect with our aliveness, and it takes time. ⁣

Also, that level of noticing what is really at stake here, requires our willingness to expose our heart, however briefly, to the fear and pain of not belonging. ⁣

⁣To suspend our excuses long enough to be able to test their fragility…⁣

Such noticing requires focused attention.⁣

Attention that we do not have, given the amount and intensity of stimuli we are subjected to. ⁣

So then, life implements a more radical measure to call us to emergence.⁣

For most people, that radical measure seems to show up as mysterious and impossible-to-break-from self-defeating patterns. In this case, we magically find ourselves in situations that bring up the issue of expression to the forefront of our consciousness. Over and over again, having to speak up and not being able to find our voice, even though seemingly there is no reason for such paralysis…⁣

At this stage, it helps to know that we have a choice, and that:⁣

• having a choice is not the same as having control,⁣

• having a choice is not the same as there being no risk,⁣

• having a choice is not the same as having it our way.⁣

We can, however, choose between staying with or abandoning ourselves. ⁣

Staying with the paralysis and freeze in the body, with the tension between wanting to emerge and wanting to hide, with nausea that it brings up, with the difficulty in breathing, with the lump in our throat, with the knot in our stomach, with the trembling that feels like it might take over our whole body if we allow it... ⁣

Staying and not abandoning ourselves too quickly, in search of a solution or a distraction from the very visceral discomfort of our unexpressed voice, is a necessary step if we are to bring that voice into its full expression.  ⁣

Staying is CRUCIFIXION. ⁣

Abandonment is DISSOCIATION.⁣

RESURRECTION FOLLOWS CRUCIFIXION. ⁣

What follows dissociation is usually a life of struggle and lack of aliveness due to unidentified reasons.⁣

Once we make the choice to stay, though, the spell we have put ourselves under starts unraveling at a rapid rate.⁣

There are several layers to this unfolding, from longing to be seen by our mother and/or father and/or God; feeling unseen, fearing cultural, familial, peer group suppression; inherited and unexamined belief systems and conditioning; lack of self-worth, lack of mirroring growing up, past traumatic experiences, and so on… ⁣

It is good to know how to work with these sub-themes or to get support from someone who can guide us as and when they arise. ⁣

That said, I would not chase these sub-themes or indulge in them for too long, and I would be very honest with myself that I am not hanging onto those to not risk emerging. ⁣

I would, however, absolutely love them, be gentle, compassionate, and patient with them; and learn to digest and make them a fertile part of my expression.⁣

MY OFFERING

I teach you how to stay, notice, and metabolize your experience in a way that gets you closer to your true self and unlocks your soul expression. ⁣

I bring embodied presence, compassion, and wisdom; and gently pierce through layers of conditioning to uncover your core and help you emerge. ⁣

I guide you through the tricky terrain of carving your own path. ⁣

I weave the tools from body psychotherapy, complex trauma, flow science, tantra, meditation, soul initiation, womb work, and wisdom traditions together with my lived experience of finding my own voice and carving my own path.⁣

If this resonates, I would love to get to know you! Get in touch to explore working together.